N.I.A.R.

(Nik Irfan Abdul Rahman)
Owh it spells RAIN backward. Rahmat tuhan.


It is nearly 2 months since Irfan was born. I have never really wrote or told anyone about the experience except for Farah when we chatted a few weeks ago. It was also her who asked how was it as I added another role up my sleeves - from just a wife to a mother. I was just discharged from the hospital when she asked it. If I had answered her there and then, I would've replied
" It was such an overwhelming experience and I doubt I would want to go through it again" huhu


The memory going in labour is quite blurry to me. Maybe because of the pain or the painkiller.I just remember my husband who had always been by my side, trying hard to calm me by cracking silly jokes. I just looked at him with a blank face and he knew, seriously it was not a suitable time for jokes hehe.I also remember he kept offering promises which I didn't remember any after delivery. RUGI. I also remember both my parents and mother in law was also there throughout the time I was in labour.

I was admitted to the labour room at 7pm on 11 April and by 5 am the next day, I was 7 cm dilated. I also kept vomiting every time the pain escalated hence I got weaker. By 8am, the water broke but I was having hard time pushing the baby out. I was sleepy and exhausted. The doctor decided to vacuum after a few try.

Irfan was loud when he was out, he cried his heart out despite the doctor's warning that he may not cry, quite and sleepy- the effect of the painkiler I took. Even I was tend to doze off in between contractions. When the baby was brought to me, then only I realized he has daddy's sepet eyes and mummy's thick hair and eyebrows.

Yes, the first week was tough. My body was in constant pain and tired all the time. I was also having mummy blues. My emotion was like a roller coaster. Sometimes I felt like everybody was ignoring my needs and everything was about the baby. At other time I felt like everyone was bossing me around. Telling me to do this and that, don't so this and that.
(walhal dah kata new mother, first baby memang la semua orang bagi macam-macam nasihat)

I also got easily frusfrated over small things. Whether I failed to nurse him, to calm him down or when other people took over taking care of him. I strongly feel that everything about the baby is solely our responsibility - me and husband. So when anyone helped, took care for him, changed his diapers and other thing (except for bath) I felt uneasy.( walhal they just want to help because I am not fully recovered).I have always want to do those things myself, and I know how to do them. It would hurt me when they think I knew nothing. I also would think if I didn't take care of the baby now he won't love me later.huhu such weird feelings. Feelings that I was not suppose to feel. No wonder I was so stressed out.

(So many weird feelings to handle, no wonder there is such thing as new mothers depression)

Now I am more calm and slowly getting better handling Irfan. He is a fussy baby and will wail his heart out whenever he is upset. Now he can smile, giggle and baby talk. He like it when I sing to him or bring him outside every morning and evening. I love spending time with him everyday.



MUMMY LOVE YOU, IRFAN
and daddy too :p


ps:
having heard Irfan's sweet giggle.. I am willing to go through the experience again..