You gain some..you lose some..

that is the law of life..
you can't have everything..you have to compromise..
and accept that while you are earning something ..you are sacrifising something..
that is the fact of life..

some may say.. no .. i believe we can still have all the things we want..
i don't think so..
although it may be not that much ..to give you a great impact but..
there must be some little thing you lose in gaining something..
must be..

so in the end..

it is just you..
either you are ready to lose them ..
are you capable to bare the consequences..
are you brave enough to face the heartbreak..
are you strong enough to pick up the pieces and live..
are you ..?

p/s:
or do I?

p/s II :
Banji's blog..Immortal.. received an award..Bravo bro..
tetiba teringat hikayat si gajah merah dan drama maghrib..haha..
the blog really am something (I've put the link on the sidebar)..
and for you to received that award must be very exciting..
you are new to blog scene is one thing..but to blog with a focus,purpose,full of wisdom and appreciation of others is another..
Banji was a senior i've got to know tru the chatting madness in UTP ( i still think the UTP channels... do give a great benefit of networking for UTPians.).. selalu berbalas pantun..but i can't never beat yours..salute .. ahli bahasa pujangga yg berjaya..haha
and again..congratulations!

STUPID!

I'M DAMN ANGRY WITH THAT LORRY DRIVER...
ADA KA NAK OVERTAKE AKU KAT ONE WAY LANE YG SEMPIT TUH..
TGH TURUN FROM FLYOVER LAK TUH N CORNER..BUDUSS..

TAU LAA LORI HANG BURUK..
KOT2 KENE KETE ORG LAIN NIH..APE CITE?..
ISK.. TAK PENAH AKU SUMPAH ORANG MACAM NI..NTAH PEPE KO..
AKU DH KASI CAN OVER TAKE..
ALIH-ALIH KO PEGI PECUT IKUT RAPAT KANCIL DEPAN PLAK...
PASTUH TUKAR LANE 3-4 KALI..
SIB BAIK AKU NIH RABUN TAK NAMPAK NO PLAT HANG..
TAU LAA NAK CEPAT..APE? INGAT ORANG LAIN NIH BERSIAR-SIAR KE??
BUDUSS LAA..


DAMN..PAGI2 AKU DAH MARAH ORG..

it"s OK ....it's alright.. fight fight fight

A few commented that this blog getting gloomy..
What I wrote was heartrending and distressing.. Some even worried that I may lose my smile..

Well ..don’t be dear..
this is just a way of me releasing the suffocating bubbles in my chest..
I wrote because I feel that someone out there do care.. and it is proven that you all care..

It is not that my passing days were as gloom as this blog getting to be..
It was not even close.. in fact I was just the same me.. the “tak kisah” me..
I’m happy.. it was just the up and down of life..
and I may have chosen to write only those downs days here..hence you thought I was having a tough time..

No dear friends.. I’m alright..

Ps: Tuhan bersama mereka yang sentiasa mahu bersyukur

Breathless

Why is it when I was happy.. Blessed. Feeling contented with all that I have...
Suddenly the pressure came.. Putting the heaviest rock on my chest..
Suffocated.. I thought I’m gonna die..

Why is it that I felt someone is not happy with me..
The more I ignore it the more I think it is true..
The more I choose to please the more I’m hurt
And I’m bleeding even severely when I realize someone is hurting just because of me..
The selfish me..

Remember I wrote in previous post.. I’ve been pushing myself so hard..
Although it felt like enough I kept pushing harder..
I will break.. Sooner or later..
I’m falling apart already..
Each part of me heading to a different end..
And I .. More confused then ever..
Lost my way in the dark..
And blinded by the light..
I will never see…
Or is it me who is plain ignorant that I refuse to see


“Ya Allah, hamba bersabar atas segala ketentuan-Mu”.

dugaannn...

tap..datap..tap ..tap...
tap..datap..tap ..tap

tap..datap..tap ..tap...
tap..datap..tap ..tap

tap..datap..tap ..tap...
tap..datap..tap ..tap

syok aku menaip paper yang nk diangkat kpd dato..
sekali...
tup!(black out)

sheessssshhhh..

ps: sudahkah anda membaca CLEO bulan ini? saya amat tertarik dengan jaket putih dipakai oleh mandy moore di muka depan...ayy yaya i like~

Some say this is me

You are always questioning and learning,
and you seem young and alive no matter what your chronological age,
for your mind is always alert, curious, flexible and open to new experiences.
You have a childlike enthusiasm for anything new and you learn easily,
but you also get bored rather quickly.
You can be something of a scatterbrain,
for you tend to have so many ideas and irons in the fire that it is hard to keep track of them all. You need and crave

Your Real Motivation
You are, in many ways, an eternal child.
Your mind is bright, alert, curious, flexible, playful, and always eager for new experiences
- and your attention span is often quite brief.
You grasp ideas quickly and once your initial curiosity has been satisfied,
you want to go on to something else.
You crave frequent change, variety, meeting new situations and people.
variety, change, mental stimulation, and an active social life.

befriend

"Friends are the family we choose for ourselves,"
writer Edna Buchanan once said.

what a friend (may) means to a friend

his mirror..
where he sees his reflection ..

his shoulder to cry on..
whenever he is sad..

his punching bag..
when his is so piss off..

his sunshine in a rainy day..
when he lost his smile..

his partner in crime..
when he needs some fun..

his clown..
when he needs some laugh..

his big tree..
when he needs some shade..

a confidante..
when he felt unsure..

his teacher..
whom he learn about life..

who we are to a friend is up to them to write about..
they may come and go.. near or far..
they may hurt u so..hurt n cry..
but we will stick together..
we are always here..
staying true and through..
now a friend.. forever be.

*his referring to many his or her

entah

pelik kan?

semakin banyak yang kita tahu..makin banyak soalan di kepala..
semakin banyak yang kita jumpa..makin kita terasa sesuatu hilang..
semakin dalam digali..semakin kosong serasa..
semakin jauh kita kembara..semakin kecil diri terasa..

mungkin

kerana itu kita belajar..
kerana itu kita diajar..
bukan untuk kurang ajar..
tapi menjadi terpelajar.
satu hari mampu mengajar

pelik..tapi mungkin..

why am i so tired??

I am not thinking straight today..
I just had a feeling..someone is mad at me ..

don't get urself under pressure..
it was just me..

me..who is always afraid of the unknown..
me..who want to control everything despite knowing i can't..
me..who always thinking about herself and hurting others..
me..who is always thinking too much that it hurts..
me..who just can't decide almost about anything..
me..who is always afraid to make a leap..
me..who is always afraid when things came easily to her..and take it for granted..
me..who always need her space..too much that it is hard for people to know her
me..who always skeptical about people that life seems so hard..
me..who let things go away ..much to her regret.. later on..
me..who can fake a smile..but will never Ever let anyone see her crying..

and

me.. who love my family so dearly
:D

pama going away today for a holiday..enjoy papa n mama!!

I have so many things in mind..
I just don't need another distraction..
I'm already so huru-hara.. just faking the "cool" me

I am so tired of reading the files..
I am nervous for the pingpong game this afternoon..
I am scared.. for the exam next week..
I hv so many invitation that i didn't know which one to go..
I have been so much under pressure that make me not myself..

I feel like i'm losing "me" time..
I am tired..I am exhausted..
I am so needed a break despite just having one.. last month..

p/s: urs truly kept pushing herself.. it just that sometimes it seems that it was enough.. enough ..enough.. but she kept pushing again.. afraid that someday she will break..

is it?

I am damn sleepy today..

arrived in the office with a splendid nasi lemak in mind..but ended up having breakfast wit a simple yet sodapp karipap since we r having our dept assembly..

tought of doing my job peacefully..slow.. at my own convenient time today..
don't really have the mood but..the big boss will only be in the office in the morning ..
so rush rush rush..damn..

reading.. line by line..but i ended up reading the same line over and over again..
the sleepy head of mine.. so when can i finish analysing all the facts??duhhh...

having to create the best sentence ever..
to convince people..to convince lawyers..to convince the big boss?
how?? how convincing can i be..when i didn't have all the facts i need?

arghhh..
i hate mondays!!

sports

Our office having the inter-dept sports carnival..till end of this month

The price-tag of our team's t-shirt had force me to join the chess team...( damn materialistic!..well who's not?)

we lose the first round..everyone was busy that nobody from my dept turned up for the first round..this 2nd round..played till 10 pm..with a break for maghrib prayers..huhh..

haVen't played chess for soo long..luckily i still remember the basic steps..
but i really had to polish up my strategies, techniques and stay-in-focus skill..

p/s: it is all in the power of mind..

Afael, Uddin n the postman

one fine morning

me: posmen datang..pi amik surat nuh..

the 2 boys ran out.. grabbed the letters and said to the postman

fil: bye bye spiderman..

uddin: bye bye cicakman

the smilling postman just sped away..

i laughed ..n the 2 boys looked at me..confused..

end of a retreat

I jumped into the pool with my hp still in the pocket..*grin

damn..

now it is in the state of" hidup segan mati tak mau".

urs truly will be out of reach for a few days..until she figures out what to do..

When you hv a busy parents you learn to adapt and adjust

my pama hv always been busy with their work..but they always hv time for us..but since we knew they had enough from the work..tired and all.. we( the 5DINs) always make an effort to lessen the burden..
what ever we can do ourselves.. we did on our own..

as papa always said" i've expose you guys(my siblings) to all sort of thing..i've brought u to events.. with VIPs or in the kg orang asli..for you to learn to adapt..learn how to behave..know what to expect.. so be proactive.. react according to the situation needs ..without me having to tell everytime.." .

but being the middle child..I used to be the confused one..the fusion of bro's and sis's influences..my mum once said " anak no3 memang pelik sikit" i ended up being the keras hati-takde perasaan-rock sopan-hv an eye on things beatiful-perasan bongsu- daughter.. - now i'm confused.hehe

I don't see my self as manja -mengadu type..what ever i feel ..i keep inside..
what ever i want ..i try hard..saving and all ..to get it myself..( kalu tak dpt gak, kene laa mitak subsidi)
so when i was away in utp...Aku dulu selalu kena marah sbb jarang tipon umah..
jarang nak report dah sampai ke blum kalu travel jauh2 to my mama...
I am just not used to it..
I am just not used having to report every single thing of what i do to anyone..
because I have this " no news means good news" agreement with papa..

but after a few years away from home..
I came to realise ..distance do make hearts grow fonder..
I don't have the time..but i need to make the time..
I must spend as much time as i can with them..
that's why when i went back to my hometown i "malas" to go out..so "malas" that my friends complained..heh
I'll follow my mum and dad wherever possible.. "mengekor"..saje2.. makan.. pi pasar..
pi main tennis(dulu-dulu..dad is not playing anymore)..pingpong..badminton..
masuk kebun...pi tgk tournament ..pi tgk exhibition..pesta flora.. shopping ..all sorts of things.. boring or not..

so sometime down my history lane..although i didn't remember when ..
I have once made a vow somehow.. that
" It is a highest priority in my life.. for no matter what i'll do or decide..it must be for them(pama) to be proud and smile"

p/s: urs truly ideas has running dry..but echah's "I was thinking.." post make me "homesick" and wrote this..

ke tempat asal??

I have found that there ain't no surer way
to find out whether you like people or hate them
than to travel with them. -mark twain

hehe..i do agree with the quotes above..
the trip yesterday was fun..
with sufi n echah jokes..
i was laughing till my stomach hurts.

kepada ketua rombongan.."the jerai"
perjalanan lancar tanpa sebarang halangan..
hehe

to all "pilots" .. alternatif atau bukan..
cayalaahhHH..12 hours driving..sakit belakang tuh..hehe

although the journey was quite a loo0ngg...one..
with the "jamming the nation " traffic.. the "surat cinta" from police..
a few "nescafe tarik" sessions ...

yang penting we had a superb "rider"..hehehe

ps: thanx a bunch guys.. a trip back back home won't be this fun without u guys.. and now i'm sooo mengantuk.. arggh..kije kije..

kelana silat guling

macam takde idea nak mengepost sekarang..
malas..

abih bersilat ..berguling di opis..
and now ending my 6 days break at home..
i mean real home..in kb..
arghh.. damn seronoknya..

tapi..

esok dah kene kembali lagi berkelana..

:(

suka hati hang

" kau datang dan pergi sesuka hatimu..
oo sakitnya hati..bencinya hati padamu..
kau datang dan pergi sesuka hatimu
oo bencinya dikau..teganya dikau padaku.."

i was listening to this song..suddenly heard a familiar voice..
NO ..not that the song words has any connection ..
to what so ever i'm writing here..NO
it just that i was listening to it..while this happened.

someone visited us in the office earlier today..
former colleague.."skandal lama" say some..banyaknye laa hai skandal..hahahaha..
nama pun skandal..so it was half true..or probably not true at all..

but it was nice to see him..
guess it was the same feeling you had when you met an old friend..
haha.. suka suki je..

well..it was like a breeze..
he came say hi..then he was gone again..
back to his life..and i'm back to mine..

see ya..friend..
no..i didn't hate u..suka hati hang laa..hehehe

urs truly need to go home early todayyy...tak larat..kepala pusing..( cakap jer nak balik awal..satgi tgk..pi main pingpong laa ape laa..abih2 kul 6 30 jugak..hehe)

rajin..makan..

Last weekend was such a pleasant time..
i spent my saturday with my not-so-lil sis..kidnapped her from campus..

Saturday was all about cleaning..basuh baju..basuh kete..kemas rumah..
yerp my mum call n said she n my dad will drop by at my house at noon on their way from klia..
so i went vroom2 with the broom..luckily my sis was very helpful..
in fact terlebih rajin lak..so cheq biaq je lah..hehe
if she is like this every week..rajinlaa aku pi kidnapped..
she said ok as long as ..ada makan..ada tv..

sunday..
my parents came..n we all went to my aunt ..che ah's new house in Shah Alam..
had a heartiest lunch..after the house tour..hehe
and then sent sis back to her campus before i went lepaking at my parents hotel..
my dad had something to settle..so i just lepak2..borak2..sampai tertidur with my mum..
after that we went to the Horizon club..enjoying the food there..not so great lah..ok aje..

after maghrib ..my parents got ready to go to the airport..
sending off the bosses.. so..i tumpang ler balik umah..
singgah makan lagi since my dad said he was hungry..hmm..


arghhh.. tak sabar nak balik kampung..

The day has come

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —
Is your birthday day 11 of the month?

Your Life
You are gracious, elegant and prudent. People admire your qualities and some even become jealous of you. You are realistic, flexible and adaptable. You are remarkably kind and moral person.

Your Love
You are willing to sacrifice yourself for the one you love.Your lover will always have your gentleness, care and loyalty. You will always be happy to hand around the one you love.
———— ——— ——— ——— ———

got this from fisy blog...suka
..kt blogfisy byk mende2 cenggini..hihi

well ..
need to rush this week..nxt week immediate boss will be away for meeting..
n then i want to hv a long break end of this month..
so ..hv to tunggang terbalik this week..
pecut gear 5..engine turbo..
pekejadah aku mengarut nih..

byk maa..waa..
my daily caffeine dose increasing this week..
need to be alert to settle those files..
those files yg menyengetkan kabinetku..hhuhu

hopefully no headache..need to concentrate..

by the way..penaja pengajianku telah menghantar surat keramat ke rumah..
bayaran balik..waa..
papa fax the letter here just now..hihihi.. adeh2..

p/s: noris..jom kita buat surat rayuan..

angin~~

got this from fisy's blog..

WANITA ANGIN
Mereka ini lahir di bawah lambang
Gemini(22 Mei-21 Jun),
Libra(24 September-23 Oktober) dan
Aquarius(21 Januari-19 Februari).

*Berterus terang,berminda aktif dan gemar mencari kepelbagaian dalam setiap aspek kehidupan.( huhu..totally me..gemini beb..mana bleh fokus n concentrate on one single thing..)

*Berfikiran terbuka,mempunyai daya imaginasi dan inovatif,bagi mereka segalanya boleh dicapai.( imaginasi..hmm koya jah banyok.. n positive thinking yee haa.. jgn risau-risau nanti cepat tua..)

*Bergaya,tenang dan tidak cerewet serta mempunyai keinginan semulajadi untuk mengamalkan sikap diplomasi dan saling bekerjasama bersungguh-sungguh.(cool..but sumtimes people take advantage ..duhh)

*Sanggup mengorbankan kehendak atau idea mereka sendiri demi mencapai keharmonian dan mengelakkan perselisihan atau konflik.( yerp.. buang karan jer gaduh-gaduh tapi ..ada ketika tdapat cara yg lebih baik untuk mendapat apa yg kita mahu..reverse psychology?)

*sentiasa gigih untuk mendapatkan cinta yang terunggul,untuk berkonfrantasi.
(Cinta terunggul hanya untuk tuhan beb..ermm..)

*Kurang cenderung untuk menyampaikan perasaan sebenar yang terpendam dalam hati mereka.(hihi..damn..awat btul jer seme nih)

*Dikenali dan diingati kerana sifat romantis dan manja.( hahaha n now i'm laughing out loud)


urs truly do think most of the above reflects herself ..in one way or another.. kebetulan yg tidak disengajakan..