entah

pelik kan?

semakin banyak yang kita tahu..makin banyak soalan di kepala..
semakin banyak yang kita jumpa..makin kita terasa sesuatu hilang..
semakin dalam digali..semakin kosong serasa..
semakin jauh kita kembara..semakin kecil diri terasa..

mungkin

kerana itu kita belajar..
kerana itu kita diajar..
bukan untuk kurang ajar..
tapi menjadi terpelajar.
satu hari mampu mengajar

pelik..tapi mungkin..

why am i so tired??

I am not thinking straight today..
I just had a feeling..someone is mad at me ..

don't get urself under pressure..
it was just me..

me..who is always afraid of the unknown..
me..who want to control everything despite knowing i can't..
me..who always thinking about herself and hurting others..
me..who is always thinking too much that it hurts..
me..who just can't decide almost about anything..
me..who is always afraid to make a leap..
me..who is always afraid when things came easily to her..and take it for granted..
me..who always need her space..too much that it is hard for people to know her
me..who always skeptical about people that life seems so hard..
me..who let things go away ..much to her regret.. later on..
me..who can fake a smile..but will never Ever let anyone see her crying..

and

me.. who love my family so dearly
:D

pama going away today for a holiday..enjoy papa n mama!!

I have so many things in mind..
I just don't need another distraction..
I'm already so huru-hara.. just faking the "cool" me

I am so tired of reading the files..
I am nervous for the pingpong game this afternoon..
I am scared.. for the exam next week..
I hv so many invitation that i didn't know which one to go..
I have been so much under pressure that make me not myself..

I feel like i'm losing "me" time..
I am tired..I am exhausted..
I am so needed a break despite just having one.. last month..

p/s: urs truly kept pushing herself.. it just that sometimes it seems that it was enough.. enough ..enough.. but she kept pushing again.. afraid that someday she will break..

is it?

I am damn sleepy today..

arrived in the office with a splendid nasi lemak in mind..but ended up having breakfast wit a simple yet sodapp karipap since we r having our dept assembly..

tought of doing my job peacefully..slow.. at my own convenient time today..
don't really have the mood but..the big boss will only be in the office in the morning ..
so rush rush rush..damn..

reading.. line by line..but i ended up reading the same line over and over again..
the sleepy head of mine.. so when can i finish analysing all the facts??duhhh...

having to create the best sentence ever..
to convince people..to convince lawyers..to convince the big boss?
how?? how convincing can i be..when i didn't have all the facts i need?

arghhh..
i hate mondays!!

sports

Our office having the inter-dept sports carnival..till end of this month

The price-tag of our team's t-shirt had force me to join the chess team...( damn materialistic!..well who's not?)

we lose the first round..everyone was busy that nobody from my dept turned up for the first round..this 2nd round..played till 10 pm..with a break for maghrib prayers..huhh..

haVen't played chess for soo long..luckily i still remember the basic steps..
but i really had to polish up my strategies, techniques and stay-in-focus skill..

p/s: it is all in the power of mind..

Afael, Uddin n the postman

one fine morning

me: posmen datang..pi amik surat nuh..

the 2 boys ran out.. grabbed the letters and said to the postman

fil: bye bye spiderman..

uddin: bye bye cicakman

the smilling postman just sped away..

i laughed ..n the 2 boys looked at me..confused..

end of a retreat

I jumped into the pool with my hp still in the pocket..*grin

damn..

now it is in the state of" hidup segan mati tak mau".

urs truly will be out of reach for a few days..until she figures out what to do..

When you hv a busy parents you learn to adapt and adjust

my pama hv always been busy with their work..but they always hv time for us..but since we knew they had enough from the work..tired and all.. we( the 5DINs) always make an effort to lessen the burden..
what ever we can do ourselves.. we did on our own..

as papa always said" i've expose you guys(my siblings) to all sort of thing..i've brought u to events.. with VIPs or in the kg orang asli..for you to learn to adapt..learn how to behave..know what to expect.. so be proactive.. react according to the situation needs ..without me having to tell everytime.." .

but being the middle child..I used to be the confused one..the fusion of bro's and sis's influences..my mum once said " anak no3 memang pelik sikit" i ended up being the keras hati-takde perasaan-rock sopan-hv an eye on things beatiful-perasan bongsu- daughter.. - now i'm confused.hehe

I don't see my self as manja -mengadu type..what ever i feel ..i keep inside..
what ever i want ..i try hard..saving and all ..to get it myself..( kalu tak dpt gak, kene laa mitak subsidi)
so when i was away in utp...Aku dulu selalu kena marah sbb jarang tipon umah..
jarang nak report dah sampai ke blum kalu travel jauh2 to my mama...
I am just not used to it..
I am just not used having to report every single thing of what i do to anyone..
because I have this " no news means good news" agreement with papa..

but after a few years away from home..
I came to realise ..distance do make hearts grow fonder..
I don't have the time..but i need to make the time..
I must spend as much time as i can with them..
that's why when i went back to my hometown i "malas" to go out..so "malas" that my friends complained..heh
I'll follow my mum and dad wherever possible.. "mengekor"..saje2.. makan.. pi pasar..
pi main tennis(dulu-dulu..dad is not playing anymore)..pingpong..badminton..
masuk kebun...pi tgk tournament ..pi tgk exhibition..pesta flora.. shopping ..all sorts of things.. boring or not..

so sometime down my history lane..although i didn't remember when ..
I have once made a vow somehow.. that
" It is a highest priority in my life.. for no matter what i'll do or decide..it must be for them(pama) to be proud and smile"

p/s: urs truly ideas has running dry..but echah's "I was thinking.." post make me "homesick" and wrote this..

ke tempat asal??

I have found that there ain't no surer way
to find out whether you like people or hate them
than to travel with them. -mark twain

hehe..i do agree with the quotes above..
the trip yesterday was fun..
with sufi n echah jokes..
i was laughing till my stomach hurts.

kepada ketua rombongan.."the jerai"
perjalanan lancar tanpa sebarang halangan..
hehe

to all "pilots" .. alternatif atau bukan..
cayalaahhHH..12 hours driving..sakit belakang tuh..hehe

although the journey was quite a loo0ngg...one..
with the "jamming the nation " traffic.. the "surat cinta" from police..
a few "nescafe tarik" sessions ...

yang penting we had a superb "rider"..hehehe

ps: thanx a bunch guys.. a trip back back home won't be this fun without u guys.. and now i'm sooo mengantuk.. arggh..kije kije..

kelana silat guling

macam takde idea nak mengepost sekarang..
malas..

abih bersilat ..berguling di opis..
and now ending my 6 days break at home..
i mean real home..in kb..
arghh.. damn seronoknya..

tapi..

esok dah kene kembali lagi berkelana..

:(

suka hati hang

" kau datang dan pergi sesuka hatimu..
oo sakitnya hati..bencinya hati padamu..
kau datang dan pergi sesuka hatimu
oo bencinya dikau..teganya dikau padaku.."

i was listening to this song..suddenly heard a familiar voice..
NO ..not that the song words has any connection ..
to what so ever i'm writing here..NO
it just that i was listening to it..while this happened.

someone visited us in the office earlier today..
former colleague.."skandal lama" say some..banyaknye laa hai skandal..hahahaha..
nama pun skandal..so it was half true..or probably not true at all..

but it was nice to see him..
guess it was the same feeling you had when you met an old friend..
haha.. suka suki je..

well..it was like a breeze..
he came say hi..then he was gone again..
back to his life..and i'm back to mine..

see ya..friend..
no..i didn't hate u..suka hati hang laa..hehehe

urs truly need to go home early todayyy...tak larat..kepala pusing..( cakap jer nak balik awal..satgi tgk..pi main pingpong laa ape laa..abih2 kul 6 30 jugak..hehe)

rajin..makan..

Last weekend was such a pleasant time..
i spent my saturday with my not-so-lil sis..kidnapped her from campus..

Saturday was all about cleaning..basuh baju..basuh kete..kemas rumah..
yerp my mum call n said she n my dad will drop by at my house at noon on their way from klia..
so i went vroom2 with the broom..luckily my sis was very helpful..
in fact terlebih rajin lak..so cheq biaq je lah..hehe
if she is like this every week..rajinlaa aku pi kidnapped..
she said ok as long as ..ada makan..ada tv..

sunday..
my parents came..n we all went to my aunt ..che ah's new house in Shah Alam..
had a heartiest lunch..after the house tour..hehe
and then sent sis back to her campus before i went lepaking at my parents hotel..
my dad had something to settle..so i just lepak2..borak2..sampai tertidur with my mum..
after that we went to the Horizon club..enjoying the food there..not so great lah..ok aje..

after maghrib ..my parents got ready to go to the airport..
sending off the bosses.. so..i tumpang ler balik umah..
singgah makan lagi since my dad said he was hungry..hmm..


arghhh.. tak sabar nak balik kampung..

The day has come

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —
Is your birthday day 11 of the month?

Your Life
You are gracious, elegant and prudent. People admire your qualities and some even become jealous of you. You are realistic, flexible and adaptable. You are remarkably kind and moral person.

Your Love
You are willing to sacrifice yourself for the one you love.Your lover will always have your gentleness, care and loyalty. You will always be happy to hand around the one you love.
———— ——— ——— ——— ———

got this from fisy blog...suka
..kt blogfisy byk mende2 cenggini..hihi

well ..
need to rush this week..nxt week immediate boss will be away for meeting..
n then i want to hv a long break end of this month..
so ..hv to tunggang terbalik this week..
pecut gear 5..engine turbo..
pekejadah aku mengarut nih..

byk maa..waa..
my daily caffeine dose increasing this week..
need to be alert to settle those files..
those files yg menyengetkan kabinetku..hhuhu

hopefully no headache..need to concentrate..

by the way..penaja pengajianku telah menghantar surat keramat ke rumah..
bayaran balik..waa..
papa fax the letter here just now..hihihi.. adeh2..

p/s: noris..jom kita buat surat rayuan..

angin~~

got this from fisy's blog..

WANITA ANGIN
Mereka ini lahir di bawah lambang
Gemini(22 Mei-21 Jun),
Libra(24 September-23 Oktober) dan
Aquarius(21 Januari-19 Februari).

*Berterus terang,berminda aktif dan gemar mencari kepelbagaian dalam setiap aspek kehidupan.( huhu..totally me..gemini beb..mana bleh fokus n concentrate on one single thing..)

*Berfikiran terbuka,mempunyai daya imaginasi dan inovatif,bagi mereka segalanya boleh dicapai.( imaginasi..hmm koya jah banyok.. n positive thinking yee haa.. jgn risau-risau nanti cepat tua..)

*Bergaya,tenang dan tidak cerewet serta mempunyai keinginan semulajadi untuk mengamalkan sikap diplomasi dan saling bekerjasama bersungguh-sungguh.(cool..but sumtimes people take advantage ..duhh)

*Sanggup mengorbankan kehendak atau idea mereka sendiri demi mencapai keharmonian dan mengelakkan perselisihan atau konflik.( yerp.. buang karan jer gaduh-gaduh tapi ..ada ketika tdapat cara yg lebih baik untuk mendapat apa yg kita mahu..reverse psychology?)

*sentiasa gigih untuk mendapatkan cinta yang terunggul,untuk berkonfrantasi.
(Cinta terunggul hanya untuk tuhan beb..ermm..)

*Kurang cenderung untuk menyampaikan perasaan sebenar yang terpendam dalam hati mereka.(hihi..damn..awat btul jer seme nih)

*Dikenali dan diingati kerana sifat romantis dan manja.( hahaha n now i'm laughing out loud)


urs truly do think most of the above reflects herself ..in one way or another.. kebetulan yg tidak disengajakan..

1000 %.. ??

Ya Tuhan kami, janganlah Engkau jadikan hati kami condong kepada kesesatan
sesudah Engkau beri petunjuk kepada kami
dan kurniakanlah kepada kami rahmat dari sisi-Mu,
kerana sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Pemberi(kurnia). (3:8)


when i wrote this..:

urs truly tak faham ..selalu dikatakan memilih..pilih kawan..pilih lawan..sedangkan rasanya hamba hanya ikhlas berkawan..selagi tidak melampau batasan..

iron butterfly response:

btw, NO Darling, we're not picky. We can compromise in A LOT of things, but when it comes to Prayers and Drinking... seboleh2nyer jangelaaa kompromi...

Like my Professor used to say to me "u igt senang ke nak ajar orang lelaki yg dah umur 25-30 tahun ni sembahyang kalau diorang tak reti nak sembahyang sendiri tanpa disuruh?". it hit me like a bucket of cold water coz i was about to make a compromise.

what i have to say:
arghh ..i'm 1000% agree with u n ur professor..
compromise.. but not without limit..
Life has its rules
so find ur path..

thanks dear..

berkejaran.. dan..kehujanan

Semalam aku berkejaran je parlimen with my colleague..
dah ler hujan mula lebat..deng..
tunggu punya tunggu pukul 7 jugak balik opis balik..

dah kene rempit lak balik umah..
memandangkan telah berjanji dgn penunjuk arah menemankan aku ke PJ..
menghantar adinda tercinta balik ke kampus..

hari ni jadi lagi..
berkejaran ke rumah big boss..
balik hujan lebat..lepak opis jer..
nak main pingpong..
bilik mesyuarat ada bosses bersidang..
terpaksa laa tangguh sesi pingpong ku..huh
so here I am writing nonsense..

teringat semalam ..bercerita ..
diskusi panjang dgn sahabatku sampai ke tengah malam..
sambil makan fererro rocher(betul ke aku eja nih??)
membicarakan hal-hal manusia..

kita selalu fikir..
selalu mencari..selalu mengkehendaki..
apa yang pada kita terbaik ..tercantik.. dan segala ter..

tapi .. aku selalu fikir..
layakkah kita..mampukah kita..
utk menjadi..untuk memiliki..untuk mencari
terbaik.. tercantik.. dan segala ter..

tidak bisa kita ubah..
tidak mampu kita mengubah..
manusia selain kita..diri sendiri..

mengapa tidak kita bertolak dan ansur..
mengapa tidak kita memaafkan..
mengapa tidak kita menerima seadanya..

urs truly tak faham ..selalu dikatakan memilih..
pilih kawan..pilih lawan..
sedangkan rasanya hamba hanya ikhlas berkawan..
selagi tidak melampau batasan..

My name is Chevy..

sabtu aritu..
ke kenduri si Merah n Gaban..
cerita penuh sila rujuk blog echah..haha ..

" kita naik chevy bleh?"
that was lebih kurang the msg I received from Midi..

Chevy..hmm.. nice..
thanks Midi for the name..
now my tayar-tayar have a new name..

Blood+Sweat= Victory?

"Bukan ketakutan yang ada pada mereka
cuma kegelisahan kerana berwaspada pada segala kemungkinan."

Watched "300" with the gang last night..

Thick red blood splashing..
a wall of bodies piled up..
head cut off from the body..
killing .. mercilessly..

The spartan..
they were all ready to die..
they were born to fight..
They were destined to be a warior..
and they long for dying in war.. the beautiful death..

but what i admired the most is..
the calmness and wisdom of the King Leonidas..
the loyalty, determination and the courage that the "300" warrior had..
the cool war strategies they used..

They were tough..and smart..
despite the small numbers of warriors..
they were winning..
but traitors made them fall..
with pride and honour of course..
till the last breath..
fighting for their country and freedom..

and now I am having my second caffeine-fix to fight the drowsiness of my sleepy head..hehehe

u r not alone

"Cukuplah Allah bagiku, tidak ada Tuhan selain drNya.
Hanya kepadaNya aku bertawakkal. "
-Surah At-Taubah,ayat 129

ever had a feeling like being left alone??
no one to turn to??
heh..

deng..trying to get rid those feeling ..
i still had many friends around what??..
my pama just a phone call away what??

and the staff in the office kept asking me over n over..
twice yesterday.. once the day before..and another just now..
"Cik nolee..awat muka sedihh..je..?"
huhh.. yea..I was quite happy go lucky..
I like to go around in the office chit chatting with everyone..
I didn't realise that they can actually 'detect' the slight change in my mood..
even I ..didn't realise it..
I thought I was my usual self..

what happen really?..
I dunno..
weng..bengong bengong..

never mind..tommorrow is saturday..
going to have a nice heavy breakfast..
and a good rest and some good reading!!

urs truly need some retail therapy..anyone wanna accompany me to a shopping spree??????

it's a wonderful world

Yesterday was such a wonderful day ..
with a lunch and a dinner date with several long-time-no-see friends.

lunch with these few "the most busiest people"..hehe..
suddenly you hv some work in bangi eh?..
anyway nice to see y'all bro..

and dinner with primary school friends ..
Updating each other with our lives and other friends lives..
who has been married..who already hv sons and daughters..
who is getting married soon..engaged..bla bla bla..
and the cepumas Q again.."so when is urs??" ..
"what ?" i asked..wanna avoid it actually.. "you know".. "insyaAllah"
jeng..

then a friend suddenly blurted ..
" my friend ask me to introduce someone to him..and i only hv you in mind.."
uhuk uhuk uhuk...terseedak sedak akak..sib baik tak ramai org kat kedai tu semlm.
nasib baik masih di bawah kawalan..sempat lagi telan roti canai tu..jeng btul..
dunno what i should said to my dear friend ..so i just smile...
watever dear..I know you meant well..
haha..we'll see..


this was last week..in Langkawi.. FUN in da SUN!!

Where the path of life leads..I just stride along..
where the river flows..I just row my boat..
for everything have been written..by Allah the alMighty.

:D as usual it's monday blues..

i've been tagged

alaa sufi tagged aku ..
6 weirdos...byk tuh...
let's see if i can come up with 6 things i did or experience
which is weird..

1. hmm.. aku tidak pernah berambut panjang..ala-ala puntianak tu..the longest.. perhaps just a slight pass the shoulder..considering that i am a girl..i think that's weird enough..my hairstyle during schooldays were always short..like a boy..Once upon a time ( i think I was 9 yrs old) I had beenmistaken as the other son my father never have..eheh

2. Kalu sufi terus ngantuk lepas mandi..sebaliknya aku akan gatal-gatal selepas mandi..most of the time..lagi bersabun sakan..lagi aku gatal..It may because of the clorine content ..or it was just my sensitive skin.. hmm..

3. It was hard for me to marah-marah people.. although first impression people always tought that i was garang...but please ..don't even try to make me angry.. only god knows what I would do..

4. I always love to watch music n singing shows..on tv or live..but I've never been to a real concert..and i don't intend to.. i hate crowded places..

5. I have an elder bro, an elder sis, a younger bro, and a youngest sis.complete. Is that weird enough..? or rather blessed?..

6. As most people know that I like singing.. I even sang for competition during younger days.. and of course once during DPA.. but guess what..I've NEVER sang or actually performing solo in front of my parents..segan akak..nak nyanyi depan parents..ntah taktau nape..depan org ntah sape-sape boleh pulak ek..hehe

dah..cukup kot 6....

nk tagged saper yer..takde sape2 bleh?


thinking far away..(me at the TRADERS hotel KLCC.)

I discovered something while thinking what makes me weird..
I found several weaknesses.. some are big weaknesses..
I would rather keep it to myself..
I need to come up with a grand make over to overcome them
for I'll try to change my self..for the better of course..